Thursday, July 25, 2019

Who is Log Home Mom?

As my page grows, my reach grows, my interaction grows but with that growth also comes negativity. Not all people have followed my story so they have no true idea of who I am. They just see me, seemingly put together and think I am lucky. Let me tell you luck has nothing to do with who I am.....

I was born to two parents who had no idea how to love. They were selfish and unmotivated. From the time I can remember anything at all, my dad was an alcoholic and my mom a tyrant.

Let’s talk about my dad first. He was a handsome man out of the military. Conceded, talented beyond belief. He could play any instrument, sing, draw, paint, fix any broken piece of furniture to look new again.

 But as I said he was an alcoholic. At first functioning. As the years went by he became scary when he drank. He choked me once trying to show me military moves. I thought I was dying. He beat me. And as time went on, he became unrecognizable. He finally died in 2017 at 69 of the one thing he worshiped. Alcohol.

Now let’s talk about my mom, from the time I could remember I was afraid of her. I couldn’t make noises, I couldn’t go out and play. She would beat me and duct tape my mouth and push me under a bar putting stools in front of me. She slept until 2 most days. 

She beat me, she screamed, she was someone anyone who knew her was afraid of her. Later in life she would do better on meds. Almost pleasant. 

But she was ugly to my girls behind my back. She talked about me and my siblings to each other and lied horribly. And then lie to cover up she got caught lying.

I was the primary housekeeper and mom to my siblings. I truly was a slave.
I had two aunts that tried to get my parents to let me come live with them.
I had school officials see the bruises, cuts and marks on me and do nothing. I had friends and their parents know and do nothing.

Under their care I was raped and molested countless times by five different ‘men’, starting at age 4ish and ending at age 13 (rape with both of my siblings sleeping next to me).
NO one tried to help. NO one intervened.

I honestly thought God forgot about me. I wasn’t ever mad, I just never understood what I did to be hurt over and over. Was this all there was to life on earth. Was this normal for everyone?
You can see how I changed from that adorable little girl above over those years:

I had not talked to my dad in more than 22 years when he died (found laying alone after a few days). My mom 9 years now since I have talked with her.
After a phone call with my mom one day, upset, hurting, crying, my husband says just because she isn’t hitting you doesn’t mean it’s not abuse. Something triggered at that moment for me to let go. I couldn’t keep doing this to myself or my family.

They missed out of having a relationships with not only me but my children and have never met my grandchildren. All for their own selfishness.

I didn’t know so much I was made fun of and treated horribly in school until as I look back. After all, it was all my normal. I didn’t know how to interact with other children. I didn’t know what it was like to play sports. Even teachers treated me poorly. Many thought I smoked because I reeked of cigarettes. I didn’t realize that until I was sitting in gym one day and the coach who everyone admired called me out in front of the whole class for smoking and didn’t believe me when I told him I didn’t. I had the pleasure of confront him a few years ago when he reached out to me on Facebook. He apologize profusely and told me he was now a Christian and was so sorry for making a horrific childhood even worse.

I wasn’t popular, I didn’t have nice clothes or shoes. I was lucky to get $1 a day for lunch. I would save it and eat a roll for $.10 every day and the last splurge on a salad. I couldn’t go to school events or sports. I didn’t have the products or even knowledge to fix my hair or curl it. Kids made fun of me.

At 13 the same time I was raped for the last time, my parents beat me so bad I had to wear long sleeve shirts and pants to school. They had asked the guys girlfriend who raped me if she could find out if I was on drugs. I remember clearly her asking me if I had snorted coke. Stupid pre teen innocent girl I was said yes! Thinking coke meant the drink and when the bubbles went up my nose. She apparently told my parents yes. So I came home from school one day and everything was out of my room, drawers emptied, bedding turned over and I was beaten within an inch of my life all the while them screaming at me to tell them where the drugs were. My mom all of 6’ towering over me breathing heavy and with every cry from me striking me over and over again. There was no drugs.

At 14, I took 75 aspirins (all I knew to do) and wanted to die. Nothing ever happened. I never told anyone.

There are hundreds of stories I could tell just as above. There are at least 50 episodes of sexual abuse that I won't go into detail here. My story isn't just the few lines I have written, it is ingrained in my mind, my soul and my body.

I heard worthless, hopeless, useless. To them, I was always less. It was now ingrained in my mind.

At 16 I met this handsome 18 year old. 

I was able to sneak to see him. He met me at my bus stop and took me to school. What a risk that was, I would have been beaten  if I have gotten caught. I would talk with him on the phone while my dad was passed out in the floor drunk and my mom worked nights.

He finally met my parents. It is a wonder he stayed around. They treated him poorly. Once he was over and we had fries and hamburgers. He pointed and asked my brother what was that over there, stealing a fry from his plate thinking he was funny, my dad got mad, really mad. He touched them now he had to eat them. I am sure to a 18 year old, he was not at all happy about that. But I had to hear about it for days.

We could not go anywhere unless we took my siblings. I had to beg, scared to ask but more wanting to get away just to see him. Then my siblings would come home and make up right out lies just to get me in trouble. They learned to work their magic as I took the brunt of most of the abuse.  

Finally they were going to let us marry, I was 17 1/2. We had the license they signed. They hid it. We did marry almost a month after my 18th birthday. They wouldn’t give me my title to the car I worked and paid cash for. I finally went and got a new one. They got mad after we married and didn’t talk to me for a few months. Truth is I loved and love my husband so much. But I would have married anyone. Praising God because he didn’t just let me marry anyone. I married the one!

I never went to college, I never even thought college was an option for me. We had our first little blessing just over a year after we got married. 

5 and 1/2 years later we added to our family another small blessing.

We have worked LONG and hard to the place we are now. Still working hard. But we know how blessed this one life we get is. Now as we get older I feel an urgency to enjoy every bit. We have had our troubles as a married couple and me trying to sort out all I am been through but they pale in comparison to the childhoods we both endured.
The abuse really never stopped. I just finally got stronger.

My childhood was robbed! But God tells me that all that was stolen will be replaced. In Joel 2:25 He says that he will restore the years the locus have stolen! It took me 15 years to realize who God really was. I come to have a relationship with Him clearly seeing He didn’t forget me at all, He saved me! He protected me! I should and would have been dead had He not wrapped His arms around me.
Not that I don’t still struggle, tears are streaming as I write this. I do. I wear it on my sleeves some days. I try to smile through the pain.
So who am I?

I am the little girl who grew up with no hope of a future.
I am an extreme emotional, physical and sexual abuse survivor.
I am the one who had to be a mother to my siblings and take care of a home.
I am the one who had to endure ridicule and hurt at school, them never
 knowing what I was going through at home.

I had to learn to be a wife, a mother and to love myself.
I had to teach myself to cook, can, garden, craft.
I had to let go of the hope in having parents who loved me.
I had to leave that little girl behind. But hold great admiration and love for her and all she endured.
I am now a Child of God, a grateful thankful Wife, a proud Mother and a superb Glammy!

I am a survivor!

I hit on just some of the things I have went through.
So if you think by looking into my window now that I have it good? That we travel and get to enjoy life, we do! But we didn’t get to this point without a cost. We both paid a price but Jesus paid the ultimate price. As long as I know I have a Heavenly Father that loves me and won’t abandon me, I know that the earthly one was not the one God meant for me to worship. If I can inspire and give one person hope, everything I went though was for something.
God gave me a vision many years ago, He showed me as I was standing in front of hundreds if not thousands of women ministering. Telling my story.
I have been blessed to have many women  come into my life that I have poured in to. Sometimes we see the results but I know that as long as it is for His Glory, seeing them doesn’t matter. If you or your group or church or organization would like me to speak, I would love to!
I love y’all! And thank you for taking a few moments to find out who I am.
I am His.
Peace, Love and Enjoy!
Log Home Mom

If you or anyone you know is suffering from abuse, please call 1-800-4 A CHILD

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Pew Potatoes Something to think about

Are you a Pew Potato or are you ALL in for HIM??? He wants all of us: our love, our obedience, our compassion, our commitment. Do you love your spouse, your children, do you tithe even when you do not think you can't afford to (you can't afford NOT to, it is His anyway), do you pray, study, open your bible? 
Do you wake up in the morning and say "Good Morning God" or "oh, god! it's morning?" . Do you pray before you even get out of bed. I challenge you to try that for a month and see if your life is not different!!! 
 If we do not believe ALL of the word (not what we choose to or ignore), the bible is NOT a buffet, you can not pick what you like and leave the rest behind. Yes man wrote the book, but the spirit lead the words. God does not have anything in there that HE did not ordain. Without the bible, what do we have? Our own selfishness!! That makes us God and not Him.
 If things are not going right in you life, chances are He is trying to get your attention. Sometimes, He is just wanting you to stand on solid ground, stand up for the Word <3 The hardest thing is when you make others upset with you? Or is it, what about HIM, are we driving nails? Are we adding to the weight of the cross? I love you, my friends, live for HIM, not others, not yourself <3

Thursday, December 20, 2018

Refurbished Dry Sink in Bath

I have been wanting to refurbish this dry sink for as long as I have had it. Probably 15 years now. I acquired this piece at an antique store. A man had made it for his wife and she had passed away and it ended up in someone’s booth at the antique store. I felt it was my duty to bring it home.

Friday, May 25, 2018

Welcome to Log Home Mom and Dad’s Chicken Inn

We have been wanting to start our chicken collection for a few years now. I have done a ton of research, bought my Girl’s book, The Chicken Chick, and many others. Looked over designs.  Pinned many items.
Then it happened, March 19th we walked into our Local Tractor Supply store and there they were, my future flock. Out we walked with 8 chicks. 6 were pullets and two were mixed. 

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

My Father

My Father died last week. Let me say right off, I will not pretend my father was someone he wasn’t. I also won’t pretend that he is in the sky looking over me. Oh how excited I will be if he is indeed in heaven waiting for me one day with open arms. But the reality is, he never lived a Godly life. He never talked about God. He did talk about the devil. He always said the way he was going to die was riding his horse into hell. But I am getting ahead of myself…

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Mother's Day Reflection

Mother’s should be honored. At least those who have shown what a mother should be, joyous, selfless and loving. But they should be honored every day, not a set day through the year that brings profit to greeting card companies, florists and big box retailers.

Friday, March 10, 2017

Devotion : The Blessed Believe To See

More often than not people want PROOF that God is real. Funny thing is, the proof is all around us. In the birds, the wind, the perfect sunset, nose hairs, if we indeed did not have a divine Creator (God) explain those things.